Recentering

You know how you kind of get a thought in your head, but it isn't entirely fully formed... it just kinda clunks around until you can get a good handle on it? Then maybe someone says something to you that brings you back to that thought... or you read something that reminds you that something is gnawing at you and whatever you're reading is somehow related... and then - WHAM! - it all moves sharply into focus? Follow me on a journey...

“Call it fate, call it luck, call it Karma, I believe everything happens for a reason.” — Dr. Peter Venkman

Now, my personality tends to veer toward the obsessive and the whole issue of health care is a prime (if not obvious) example. I have a core belief that becomes almost like a thesis. I dedicate much time and emotional energy into backing up that thesis with as many facts as I can fit in a coherent argument (to, admittedly, mixed results!)...I quickly become frustrated with others who present their own core belief without equal due diligence. I see myself and others with views similar to mine being mocked and belittled by these same people. I argue back by pointing to more facts that blatently contridict their argument. These facts are disregarded and again only met with more insults and generalities. My frustration grows. Next thing I know the positive energy that fostered my original core belief and inspired me to work towards it's fruition has gone 180 degrees in the opposite direction. I am walking around a virtual cloud of negativity, stooping to my own base level of mockery and stereotypes...

Then I stumble across something positive and almost dismiss it out of hand because I am so bogged down in angry...

Exhibit A:

From droogie6655321 "I believe mankind is basically good. I don't believe this because I am ignorant of reality or because my ears and eyes are willfully closed. I believe this in spite of all the evidence to the contrary -- evidence which mounts daily.

To achieve the political changes that we wish to achieve, we must change hearts and minds, to use a tired phrase. To change the hearts and minds of others, our own hearts and minds must be patient, calm and above all compassionate.

If you think me naive, consider the fact that everyone who's ever stood up and told us to get along and love one another, from Jesus to Gandhi to RFK to MLK, has wound up the victim of a violent end. Clearly, there's something in the message of compassion that ugly people with ugly hearts fear.

So while they may be ugly, we must be beautiful. We must do beautiful things. We must act beautifully to each other. We must treat the other side beautifully.

This is just another way I've found to say something I've been saying for years. I hope it has meaning for you. There is strength in compassion. It's a beautiful thing."

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a tiny *click* goes off.

But that was a stupid diary! droogie IS naive! Hasn't droogie SEEN these people? Or heard the absolute sewage they spout? Isn't droogie as INCENSED as I am over how corporations, lobbyists, and corrupt politicans are chipping away at our human rights? Stupid, naive droogie...

But the diary sticks in my craw because somewhere down deep under all my anger, I recognize it's simple truth.

Exhibit B:

blackwaterdog writes in his GBCW (Goodbye Cruel World) diary that "I've seen every president all the way back to Gerald Ford. And i never saw a more hard-working, persistent, smart, cool and full-of-good-intentions president than Barack Obama.
I look at him and i see a man taking a country in one of the most difficult times since World War II. Inheriting a perfect shit-storm.

I see him getting closer than anyone else, ever, to a health care reform. A reform that no matter how it'll look in the end, would be a huge improvement from the current situation.
I see him not being even slightly scared by the threats and the racism and the awful signs and the repulsive hate.
I see a civilized, intellectual, good hearted and so-very-stubborn president trying to do things that his predecessors just ignored for years. Things we all knew will take years to do. Obama himsef said so back in his victory speech: "We may not get there in a year, we may not get there in one term, but we will get there".

And then i come here, and it's all so depressing. It's all doom and gloom. So many bad vibes. Almost zero patience. Almost a complete amnesia about how long it took to get into this mess, and what a super-human effort it would take to get out of it. Effort, and time. Long time. More than 7 months, anyway.

So this is goodbye from me. At least for a while. I wish you all the best and i'll pray for Obama's safety every day, because i've seen first hand how tragic can be the end of a visionary and forward-looking leader, when right wing lunatics decide to eliminate him and the left leaves him all alone."

I grumble, embarassed. I stop blogging for a few days. Sure, I am busy with real life: husband, kids, work, bills, dinner, bedtime fits... Who needs the additional stress of yelling to this empty room?

Exhibit C:

A coworker I adore and respect, and who has been given access to my closely guarded e-life says to me "I think you are getting way too into the politics thing!"

I cringe. How can anyone NOT feel this same level of passion? Look, this has ALWAYS been a passion for me, I say. It's just now there is the internet... and I feel this NEED to educate... to motivate... Of course, I understant her concern isn't my for my interest in politics, it is for the obsession and potential vitriol.

But her words stick in my craw as well. (To be fair, I don't really know what a "craw" is - but for the purposes of this diary it is the place where those unformed thoughts clunk and poke.)

Finally - WHAM! - it comes to me that I am no longer fighting the good fight. I'm throwing mud too. I'm shouting, "I know you are, but what am I?" I'm having a tantrum, throwing stones from my glass house. (Not to mention, devolving into a torrent of figurative language!) I need to be beautiful. I need to do beautiful things. I must act beautifully to others and treat the other side beautifully. Or really, it would be all for nothing. There is strength in compassion. And it IS a beautiful thing.

Thanks to droogie, blackwaterdog, and (coworker's name redacted)! I am recentering.

I think maybe Bill S. Prestion, Esq. said it best:
"Be EXCELLENT to eachother."